I hold my hands folded
Around a mug of steaming
Tea like a life perserver
Keeping me afloat
As the tears cascade
Down my face like
The rain outside my
Window,
I feel cleansed,
Clarity surfaces
In many forms,
I feel cleansed.

Train Brain

As I was reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, recommended by a great friend, I had this aha! moment where something inside me clicked making sense. I am reading the book slowly, taking it all in, digesting. This is truly one of the best books I have read, so profound, thought provoking, and inspirational. The book inspires me to apply these concepts to my own life.

Tolle says that we are not our mind, thoughts, and emotions. We can be the observer of these aspects of ourselves, which creates a gap where we can see the essence of who we are, vast and whole. After I read this section, I sat for a long while observing my thoughts as they went around and around. Some people say as they observe their thoughts it is as if the thoughts are on clouds floating by or bubbles, but my thoughts race, as I'm sure that many other's do also. I saw my thoughts as a train racing by. When I identify with my thoughts I get in the engine of the train, then the thought is linked to another thought, so I go to the next car in the train, then the next. At the end is the caboose, but my thoughts don't stop there because there is an engine of another train right behind, so I hop on that one too. These thoughts keep going and going. I visually stepped off the train onto a platform beside the train. At that point I was the observer of these thoughts and not identifying with them, therefore emotions were not attached to the thoughts. The train just passed right on by with the thoughts and I did not get caught up in them at all.

I am now trying to be conscious of my train brain. When I catch myself on the train brain I get off the train, disengage, then watch with non attachment as the train, with thoughts, passes me by. When I step off the train brain I do not fade into nothingness instead I emerge into the sunlight, free.

There are the first few twinges of Spring to air right now. When those first signs begin to show themselves then Spring fever errupts. I love the scent outside during this time of year, the scent of hope. Before our eyes we will see Spring blooming in full, vibrant color.

At the library on Sunday when I was browsing the mystery section, a man who was about eighty years old came over to the woman behind the desk. He began to talk to her and one of the first things he said as he made small talk was commenting on the weather. He was giddy with the sudden warm weather and said on his drive over to the library he got spring fever. Everyone was smiling because the man said what everyone was thinking. There is a happiness, love, peace, vibrancy, and hope about the first buds of spring, sprouting to beginnings that touches a part of each and every person. Maybe it is touching the youth, the child, in all of us that still lingers wanting to be set free again, to run down green hillsides with a kite blowing in the wind, hearing the whistle of a distant train getting closer in the first of Spring's warm breezes.

Sitting out in nature I was listening to the world and this is the poem I worked on.

There is something
About a train's
Whistle as it
Echoes out over
The late winter
Silence that makes
Me yearn for Spring's
Warm embrace.

This week has been so busy. There were times when I was rushed and caught up in the moment, going through the motion trying to get everything finished. Mid week I stopped when I had a few minutes at work alone. As I sat there to catch my breath I realized there is absolutely nothing to stress about. I rummaged through my purse looking for a piece of gum and instead I found a sticky note with quotes on them that I had scribbled during my last trip to Borders for mocha and good reads. These are the quotes that definitely put my mind in bliss mode and brought me back to the present where I should always stay, fully in the present because that is all we are given.

All quotes by Sri Swami Satchidananda
"The fact is, nothing outside you changes, you see only what you choose to see, your world reflects you."

"Life is a play. It was never meant to be a serious heavy thing, our own ego makes it that way. God just wanted to have some fun. That's why He created all of us."

"Happiness is our natural state when we are not doing unhappiness. Happy is what we are, unhappiness is what we do. Who would I be without my unhappiness?"

"Happiness is not dependent on circumstance. Happiness means meeting life as it is and not believeing our judgements and stories about how it should be"

I have been very introspective lately. I have been thinking, losing myself, finding myself as I notice the twinkling shine of Venus so close to the moon, two other stars' milky light in the southern half of the sky ascending higher, moving north west slowly. Then the winter morning, bright and silky, fresh, starting anew. Then as I walked outside, the chilly wind hit me, but it was refreshing, cleansing, as I listened to the wind chimes jingle and the iron sun, moon, star and beaded blue and red sun catcher dazzled beautifully capturing my attention.

The quote in my calendar for today says, "The startling reality of things is my discovery every single day," by Fernando Pessoa. There is a crispness and clarity that winter reality brings.

Only half poems have been running around in my head the last few days, not coherent whole poems, just lines, half lines that are my fluttering thoughts and feelings. But now looking at them, all of these could be combined into one poem.

Barren trees,
Their limbs as black
As midnight
Look like roots
Piercing the dusky
Sky,
Winter wind
Whispers quietly
Through these trees
As they stand tall
In the chill.

I am thankful for this day!

I don't remember
What my face
Looked like before
Tiny thin crows
Feet began to
Faintly form
Around my eyes
And laugh lines
Around my mouth
Forming a paranthesis
Both of which were
Caused by laughing a lot
But I'm proud
Of these spider web
Wrinkles that will
Deepen over time.

The first day of the new year! It is amazing how turning the page of a calendar can change people's mind set but at the beginning of each new year there is a renewed sense of enthuasiam . Every day is a miracle! Each new year, month, week, day, minute, and second brings new hopes, dreams, and possibilities. It is as if there is a clean blank slate waiting to be painted; bold colorful images appear as we live our life to the fullest. One way I live my life to the fullest is by expressing myself creatively, whether drawing, painting, or writing. Writing is an immediate way for me to make sense of my life and give situations meaning. Writing is my love and my passion.

I have always tried to be creative in some way every day. It is a freeing experience to come outside of yourself and display what is inside. I can even remember as a young child working on expressing myself creatively. Before going to school I spent my time watercolor painting each and every day. When I asked, my mom would help me get water in a cup, my brushes, paints, and the paper out. I would sit at our kitchen table and paint for an hour or longer, sometimes I would even go outside and paint in nature. I was so content in my own little painting world.

Then when I five years old, in kindergarten, my first school experience, we were given coloring sheets with scenes, characters, and objects on them and we were expected to color inside the lines neatly. I did not want to color inside the lines on the coloring sheets - before school I had been given free expression before with crisp white pieces of paper to create my own figures, characters, scenes and still craved that freedom. So I would scribble all across the front of the coloring paper and turn it to the back to draw and color my own picture. My teacher would walk by and tell me that I should take my time and color neatly. I resented her greatly. Many days at school I sat out in the warm sunshine watching my friends play as I colored my trees purple, the sky pink, the grass orange, and well ok the sun could be happy yellow. Of course then I was told that the trees were green unless in autumn, the sky was blue, the grass green, and then she said slyly that I colored the sun the right color. After she had told me the "correct" colors for everything I can clearly remember telling her that she had just said to color inside the lines, but not with any specific color. In that class I was not free to express my self and neither were the other children. I was miserable.

Once this same teacher passed each child a handful of craft sticks to create something. So we were just given the sticks and not told exactly what to create but to make anything. I intently began to put together my structure. When the time was up she began to collect each of our creations and put them on another table to dry. She came to each child taking their assembled craft, making positive comments to each of them. I was still busy putting my finishing touches on mine. She came to me, looked down in horror at my craft and with a small sarcastic laugh said, "you used too much glue, it's a mess, and what is it?!" I looked at her with wide eyes and asked if she did not like my abstract art work. She looked as shocked as I did, whether it was from my comment or from my creation, also whether she thought I was a smart ass or if I was really asking her, I still don't know. Which I promise I was truly asking her if she liked it or not. I slowly looked around at the other craft stick creations: houses, stars, fences, even a couple of flowers. I sat there with my face growing red and hot as I thought my art work was not good enough, not like everyone else's art.

I could not wait to get out of that class! As the year ended I was relieved. That fall I entered first grade and had the most wonderful teacher ever. She was nurturing to all the students in the class and we were learning to read, add, and subtract, we did not have much time for coloring. I loved first grade! I still keep in touch with my first grade teacher.

I think that it is ironic that I now teach kindergarten. I am sensitive to the small fragile personalities that are just beginning to blossom in my students. If a student can not truly color inside the lines or form their letters I work with them on fine motor skills to help them develop this ablitity. I don't ridicule them, I simply work with them, giving them space; they make small steps over and over again which in the end produces great growth and confidence in the student.

I will work each and every day to live my life in a freely creative way, which then puts me in sync and rhythm in other areas of my life. Also I see that my experience in kindergarten, when I was five years old, had to happen because if not I may not be a teacher and I may not be sensitive to other people's creative pursuits, or thankful for my own. I charged on painting, drawing, and writing, always listening to my own creative heart and soul. May everyone live in pursuit of the things that bring them happiness!

This beautiful year is ending and another one awaits us. New beginnings! CHANGE!! Such possibilities! Here's to a wonderful start to a new year - 2009!

The gleaming white crescent
Moon casts out a shining
Light, illuminating all
On this chilly winter's
New Year's night
Illuminating hope
And possibilities,
For all to flourish
At new beginnings

This story is a bit different for me. I usually do not write from the fantasy perspective, but it was refreshing to let the imagination run freely. Sometimes I feel like just letting go in writing and letting the imagination go where it wants and needs to go. As a child I loved the thought of Pegasus, unicorns, or any magical creature, they all captured my interest and fed my imagination. When I came across this writing prompt from Heather Blakey at the writing site SoulFood Cafe I had to write a story to get my imagination flowing. Here is the result. Thank you Heather for providing a fountain of ideas to spark creativity!


For days and days, tour after tour, I traveled to remote, populated, and exotic places. On the fifth day we docked in the Gulf of Corinth to visit Greece. I fell in love with the gorgeous clear blue water and warm salt breeze that greeted us. After much debating, we all decided one stop had to be Mount Helicon. The group laughed and joked about having to keep our eyes peeled for the famed winged Pegasus of Hippocrene. As we ate lunch I would occassionally steal looks at the azure sky which had a few puffy white clouds. Every time I looked up I felt silly, embarrassed by my childish fantasy, eager to see Pegasus that only exists in myths, figments of wild imaginations. People began cleaning up where we ate, then began gathering their things.



The assignment while we were there was for each of us to find a secluded spot to write, reflect, contemplate, sketch, create and capture some spontaneous ripple of inspiration. I was intoxicated by my surroundings. I went to the aged rocks of the Hippocrene. Furry green moss cushioned where I sat with my back against an ancient stone wall. I looked in the blue green water, sighed a contented sigh, let my breath out slowly. The day had grown hot and the cool stone felt great to my heated flesh. I gazed wistfully, taking in the soothing sound of a trickling water, the sway of the trees blowing gently in the wind, the smells of divine flowers wafting to my nose; my senses engaged to my surroundings.



Finally I took out my journal wanting to capture what I saw and felt, realizing words could never completely describe what I was experiencing. In the warm sun's rays I let my head loll gently back onto the rock wall. I squinted into the sun, then I sat in a day dream looking up into the gorgeous sky. Lost in a transcendental moment I was suddenly snapped back into reality by a magnificient sight. A speck in the distance caught my eye. Something huge and white was gliding in slow wide circles across the endless blue sky. Shielding my eyes from the bright sun, I tried to get a better look at the object. Still all I could make out were enormous snow white wings. As it slowly descended, getting closer, I gasped. The most beautiful horse....horse with wings, the famed Pegasus, landed gracefully a good distance away from me, then trotted over to greet me. I stood mesmorized, not able to take my eyes from him.



Pegasus swished his tail, stamped his feet, threw back his mane. He was the most beautiful creature. We stared, sizing one another up. With what seemed like an eternity, I finally worked up the courage to ever so slowly extend my hand to Pegasus' nose. I took a deep breath as I felt his soft fur. He blinked at me with his sweet chocolate brown eyes, then nuzzled my hand. I fed him some left over purple grapes, patted him on the side playfully. I smiled as I began to rub his fur and comb my fingers through his silky mane. Then he bowed to me. Puzzled by his behavior, I did not understand this at all. Pegasus snorted and nodded his head to me. I looked into his eyes which were filled with love and fiery life. An unspoken command surged from him to me, comprehension dawned on me. Without any hesitation, I walked beside him, gently holding onto his side, I threw my leg over, climbed onto Pegasus' back. He immediately stood up. I seemed to be sitting on top of a mountain; little gasps of happiness, exhilaration, and nervousness escaped from my lips as he joyfully pranced. Then with one giant unexpected leap we were in the air; we flew higher and higher. The tree tops became tiny pin pricks as the grass became small squares covering the tapestry of land. We were warmed by bright sun as a cool breeze swept over us from all sides. At times the wind was strong, but Pegasus had a destination and his goal was to get us there. I had no idea where his determined flying would take me, all I cared about was the freedom that I felt gliding through the air on that beautiful strong creature's back.

We continued to fly on and on, day turned to night. The creamy cobalt sky was thick with stars as they twinkled and the moon glowed with a warm amber light. I giggled as the wind blew my hair out, fanned it behind me, tickled my face. Pegasus glanced down then turned his head slightly toward me to let me know it was time to land; we began our slow descent. I understood him, we again had unspoken communication vibrating between us. When we landed with a gentle thud I was almost disappointed. But when I stepped off Pegasus, he looked me straight in the eyes, telling me the adventure was far from over. He nudged my hand as if to guide me. On the ground we walked a silver moon lit path through a meadow surrounded by trees. I trusted Pegasus, letting him lead the way into the unknown. We walked to the edge of some woods. That is when I first noticed a house, a little cottage, set back in the trees with smoke billowing from the chimney.

Pegasus prodded me on; before I knew it I was at the door of the cottage only to discover it was open. He stood so close, not giving me an inch to move, he wanted me to go inside. I peeked in the door then stepped inside reluctantly. The room was cozy and inviting. I couldn't resist it; I walked into the center of the room, took in my surroundings, from floor to ceiling four walls lined with book shelves filled with books, from the comfy overstuffed pale green chair beside a roaring fire, to the desk at the window with a view of the meadow and woods. Gathering myself I walked to the door to have a look in the other rooms. In the next room I found a kitchen and dining room table. The next room was a bedroom and the last was a bathroom with a huge claw foot tub. I thought in that second, oh to take a hot bubble bath in that!

The room laden with books captured my attention again. I wandered back to the library looking at the shelf nearest to me. Books of poetry, short stories, novels, cookbooks, books on art, and of every subject lined each and every surface. I browsed and browsed, finally spotting the camouflaged ladder built into the book shelf. So I climbed up to see the books on the top most shelves. I collected several books of poetry to explore. Quickly I climbed down to sit in a chair beside the fire. I read poem after poem, devouring them. I stared into the fire for a very long time watching orange-red, blue-white flames. Finally I was compelled to go to the desk beside the window. On the black wood spacious desk I found lilac assessories: a pencil holder, file container, paper, but all green pencils and pens. I sat down at the big desk marveling at the contrast of colors; the dark of the desk, the light lilac and pale green, all blended and meshed to become a contrast in beauty.

I began to write about meeting Pegasus, of his glorious mane and the unspoken communication between us. I was so absorbed in writing, I was in the moment, I barely paid attention to how warm it was inside, how drowsy I was becoming. Finally I dozed off to sleep in a deep sleep, only to be jolted awake a few minutes later as someone called my name. I slowly opened my eyes and found the group of people I was traveling with staring down at me. I was lying on the rocks in the warm afternoon sun on the banks of the Hippocrene. One of my friends said, "Wow, looks like you wrote a good long story before you drifted off to sleep!" I lifted my journal, read the entry about my encounter with Pegasus. I smiled and squinted once more to the open azure sky above just in time to see a quick white flicker dart behind some trees.

I absolutely love this time of the year! People seem happier, are more conscious and willing to lend a hand to help others more than any other time during the year. It's wonderful to help those who need our attention the most, our forgotten and ignored, who need to be remembered; for me personally to go the extra mile to make their life easier, happier, lessen burdens, and bring a smile to their face, but I also have to remember to extend myself to everyone I come in contact with. I want to believe in the magic of kindness, of shared humanity, not only during this time but always. I also think once we take care of ourselves emotionally, physically, mentally, and nurture our souls, then we can move to extending that care to others. With all of this in mind I was inspired to write this poem.

In this season of baubles and bows
Battle for authentic voice
To be heard above the endless chatter
Is a daily struggle
In an ego driven world.

Premio Dardos

WOW! Thank you Christina at Soul Aperture http://soulaperture.typepad.com/myweblog/ for sharing this award with me; this means a lot to me. I am inspired daily by Christina's compassion and love for this world, her life, her family, and others. How she views this precious life is evident in her photography and her writing to accompany her photographs. She is a role model to her own children along with anyone who comes in contact with her. Her work is amazing and she is such an authentic, honest, fun person. I am very blessed to have found her in this vast blog world and now call her a dear friend. You know if you had not already given me this award I would give it back to you Christina.

There are so many amazing blogs that people develop with such creativity, vitality, and honesty. When I post writing it comes from my heart, I see my writing as an extension of myself and how I am able to make sense of the world. When any kind of art, or creative endeavour comes to fruition to be shared then it inspires and ignites that spark in someone else. This is an award that is given to acknowledge blogs that have cultural, ethical, literary and personal values.
With that "criteria" in mind I'm sharing this award with these people:

Carnal Zen: http://carnalzen.com/

Patricia Mosca From The Inside Out: http://writingaffirmations.blogspot.com/

Michelle In Search Of Infinite Bliss: http://michellechant.wordpress.com/

January Poet Mom: http://poetmom.blogspot.com/

Frankie Soul Of A Dreamer: http://phranqueigh.blogspot.com/

Carla Zena Musings: http://zenamoon.typepad.com/weblog/

The Will of One: http://journeyofgrief.blogspot.com/

Every Poet Needs A Patio: http://robinkemp.wordpress.com/

Thank you all for your inspiration!
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to other blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment.
3) Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Under
Layers of my
Psyche lies the
Fire light of
Life
When all
Falls away,
Only God's love
Remains
All else is in
Vain

Life's wilderness
Pale, early Autumn sunlight
Streams through trees
Irridescent hue
Sky, surreal blue,
A few puffy white
Clouds glide past
Pure, virginal contrast,
To nature's vibrant colors
Chaos in harmony.

I was tagged by Christina from Soul Aperture to share 7 things about myself. This is exciting to do. I think because we take ourselves as we are sometimes, the little things that make us unique are not processed, it's just automatic. This is a perfect way to really think about yourself. I like this a lot. Thank you Christina!

1. I love creative writing, especially writing poetry.

2. I have been a vegetarian for a year and a half. I was a vegetarian in college for several years, then fell back into eat meat. A year and a half ago I became a vegetarian again and see this as a lifelong committment to myself. I feel healthier without eating meat. I also don't condemn other people who eat meat because they are doing what is right for themselves and I respect that.

3. I love to draw and paint. Not to say that I am good at drawing, painting, or writing, but I love to be creative and have fun creating.

4. I love to read and read all types of genres.

5. I love all types of music but I can not sing well or play a musical instrument. I think I could actually be tone deaf.

6. I am a teacher. I love when a child begins to read. The expression on their face when they see words they know, string them slowly together, and comprehend that the words they are reading are words they know and they read it by themselves is wonderful; it is truly priceless.

7. I am a procrastinator and put things off until the last possible minute. I think that I work better at the last minute and do not have time to second guess myself.

Ok, I can't wait to hear from:
Dawn at Carnal Zen
Michelle at In Search of Infinite Bliss
Frankie at Soul of A Dreamer
The Will of One

When my alarm clock went off this morning I heard Senator John Lewis rejoicing on the morning radio station I listen to. It was a wonderful way to start my bright and sunny day. I am relieved and so very happy to know we have a Democrat back in office and that is Barack Obama. He is living proof that any dream and aspiration a person has, if the goal is sincerely thought with good intention, a person will achieve and live their dream, ultimately helping others. He is not only the person who will do his best to mend a broken hearted nation, but the world.

I support our nation and our troops. I am proud of the men and women who risk their lives daily to ensure that people are kept safe, but now it is time to look at a way to bring them home to their families. This time is way overdue and now we will begin to see this happen because of Barack Obama. He believes in a strong family and that can begin to take place with more of our troops back in our country leading and living peaceful lives, not fighting. I feel like now I can be proud of our nation, our troops, and the wonderful leadership that starts with a new President. Barack Obama is what this country has been waiting for to bring fresh new ideas, concepts, policies, and to think outside the box to come up with innovative solutions that we can all be proud of and be able to stand behind to support. I feel warm happiness as I know that he will do everything, give every issue his 110% and work for everyone.

Every decision that the President makes effects everyone in our country and throughtout the world. We are all connected; there is a common connection between every single person. In that web of continuous connection the link is love. I feel love and hope growing again in America and our world. Let it catch hold in our hearts and grow to engulf all that you do in your life. There is so much inspiration emanating from President elect Barack Obama that it is contagious. I am so proud of Barack Obama and the United States of America right now to have taken such a leap in our democracy. Words are inadequate to fully express the impact this will have on everyone and to ingest this much needed change. I am very proud; pride swells in my heart.

I am so happy I waited until today to vote because I absolutely loved to feel the excitement as I was there voting. Truly, I knew standing in line, people were making history and making our country and world a better place as we casted our ballots. This is such a beautiful country and world. Our President's actions, reactions, and policies, set the stage and an example around the globe.

Yes, we are on the cusp of history, with winds of change blowing through our country and ultimately our world, scattering seeds of hope!

YES OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!

Some days are just so wonderful, most days are. There is always a steady stream of optimism coursing through my veins and body. The best description is this: sometimes optimism pops, bursts, flows through me, where I feel it’s energy everywhere. I then think of something I read by Jack Kornfield where he says, “We remember our original nature, the boundless heart which contains all things, yet is not limited by them.” In those moments when everything just seems to fit together cohesively that is when we are our original selves. We are filled with light and when we allow our authentic, original part of us shine, the light only gets brighter and brighter. When our light does get brighter, we send it out into the world making it a better more uplifted place.

“All positive energy to the benefit of all living things.” I read this quote several months ago and have written it on a post it note which is on my computer so when I am writing poetry or talking to a friend it is a reminder right there in front of me. I read it everyday like a mantra that is getting memorized by my body, mind, and spirit in hopes it penetrates all aspects of my life so that it can be part of my light, to be shared with others. What we convey to others is brought back to us, making our light stronger or dimming our light. This quote reminds me that I want to send out positive energy to others because ultimately what I do to others is what I do to myself. Love yourself, be your authentic voice, true, and let your light shine bright!

I just started reading a new book called Through Painted Deserts, which inspired me to write this poem.

If I were a wanderer,
A gypsy, casting all worldly
Goods aside to live outside
Of walls, only the sky as
My ceiling and
Grass as carpet,
I would watch stars
Cutting holes of light
Through the night
Burning without knowledge
Of their beauty
We are all really
Vagabonds,
Gypsies, and wanderers
In this glorious life.

Many times people should have their attention brought to face the harsh realities of poverty because everyone has the routine of their own lives and often times this subject is not thought of. It is difficult to think of poverty, of people doing without the necessities, when you are the person who has been blessed with so many privileges. In many instances people don’t think about it because of the feelings that arise, such as guilt for having so much, or sadness that our world is filled with many people suffering from poverty, or helplessness because a person feels one person can not make a difference, or anger at the people who do have the ability, money, to make a difference in the lives of others but don’t and will not. We can all make a change, whether small or large, the positive act of helping is still making a difference in the lives of others.

I believe that fighting against something only makes what we are fighting for happen. I believe in setting my energy for positively acting on things that I am for. I am for ending poverty.

I have written a poem about poverty. I am by no means taking a frivolous attitude about such a serious topic. I am trying to convey that instead of taking action by helping others we look the other way thinking the tragedy of poverty will go away. Every small action that we can take will help and we can all work together to make a difference, to show people there is another way of life.

In the bookstore
I sit back and sip
Maple white mocha,
Scan articles
On meditation,
To nourish the soul -
Down the road
A girl goes without
Running water.
In my insular bubble
I read on,
Oblivious.

Every Tuesday morning
As I drive to work
I see the same woman
Waiting at the Public bus stop
On her way to collect
Her weekly welfare check;
Back at her house
Her husband molests
Their children.

The world keeps turning.