On the drive home from yoga the sky was a gorgeous contradiction of vivid color with the setting sun sliding into dusk. Would I have noticed this spectacular act of nature if I had not been flowing over with awareness from the relaxed yet energized yoga I had just experienced? Maybe, maybe not. It is about taking the time, taking the moment in which we are in to enjoy the beauty that surrounds us always. The beauty is there we just have to notice it, to open ourselves to the beauty, to ourselves, to life, to live, to the world; to live our life passionately.

Yoga opens me. The experience of it opens me to possibilities, boundless, limitless life that is meant to be fully lived, completely aware, and completely happy.

Surrender.

We breath into the parts of our body that are tense, bringing breath to those areas, giving those areas light, warmth, then to loosen. Our teacher said this evening to surrender into the posture. Don't endure it, to really let go and feel it. Those words resonate in me. To me that used to be a contradiction. How can I feel it, surrender to it, yet not endure it if there is a challenge? The aha moment this evening was to just let it be just as it is. The particular moment we are in is perfect just as it is. This "it" can be anything in life.

I am coming to realize, with experience, doing yoga is not just about the postures, but the coming together, from perceived fragmentation to wholeness.

Bars filled with
Mists of smoke
And mirrors all
A mirage, a facade
To mask and hide
The real person;
Can never find solace there

The temperature has dropped considerably here. For the first time I sense fall around the corner. Some of the leaves have started to turn yellow, along with cooler temperatures, which all signal autumn. I love the fall season, it is my favorite time of year. The world takes on a vibrancy with colors and a crisp chill that is in the air. The brilliant fiery colors of the leaves and foliage speak of their true nature in this world. All of this combined makes me feel awakened, alive with new ideas, all of my senses more in tune to everything in life. The smells of nature become sharper in fall; the clear blue sky, which can only be described as azure or sapphire is gorgeous. The whole world beautiful, cooling down after a sweltering summer. I realize now it is still a bit early for fall, but there are signs telling us it is on it's way and this makes me very happy.

Yoga on Monday was wonderful! I gently twisted into positions that I never thought I could get into, was focused and concentrated which took me out of my everyday thinking, leaving the chaos of the mind behind. There was a centering meditation time, which focused on our breathing, at the beginning of the class. The instructor presented the class with the intention of gratitude, she brought our focus back several times to the intention set at the beginning of class. Then we did postures for 45 minutes. Then at the end there was another centering time where we focused our concentration on breathing consciously. I didn't think it was possible but at the end I was both energized but relaxed also. Instead of my breathing being an ignored reflex it became a connecting point of awareness, life, vitality, making the full circle back to gratitude. I still can not express completely, fully, appropriately this experience because it was so very different from my own unstructured practice by myself. Was it group dynamics and energies working together; being so focused, centered, aware; the body, mind, consciousness/soul connection; or all of these things combined that made me feel so wonderful?

Tomorrow evening I start my first yoga class. I have been interested in yoga for years, practicing on my own and with videos, but this will be my first structured class. I am very excited but also nervous about it. Checking out and participating in a structured yoga class was a goal I set for myself at the beginning of 2008. I have spent all this time researching and looking for a class that I thought I could get the most from and learn the most. It is Pranakriya yoga that focuses on breathing while in the postures, promotes relaxation and will help to deal with everyday stresses. I think that all yoga would have these benefits but this type spoke to me and what I am looking for in a class. I can't wait and I am so looking forward to it!

Last week there were storms almost daily. We definitely needed the rain, so that was a welcome sight. I love storms; nature's power and beauty are phenominal. I find most of my inspiration from and in nature; the weather inspired this poem:

Overhang of clouds
Grey and dismal
A foreboding of the
Late summer
Storm to come;
Flashes of light
Reveal the pink
Under belly of sky
Before scissor sharp
White lightning
Streaks across a
Starless night
Crashes of thunder
Rumbles,
Echoes in the distance

People lose themselves
To the things they
Seek and crave
The essence of
Being lies in
Love -
Your search is in vain
Remember -
Only love

A few weeks ago I got together with an old friend. We met 13 years ago in college. We talk on the phone 2 to 3 times a week and often daily. It had been a while since she and I had got together to go out and then spend some time talking face to face. I drove to her house, we talked, went out to dinner, then back to her house. The two of us talked and laughed for hours. We ended up talking as sunset turned to dusk, which turned into night. As I drove home in the middle of the night I felt a happy contentment that only comes with getting together with a cherished friend. That is when I remembered a wonderful book I read at the beginning of summer. The main character in the novel was named Sammar, pronounced like summer. Someone asked her why her parents named her that and she said Sammar means deep conversation between friends that lasts way into the night. There is something about those long talks between friends which last for hours that hold meaning for people; those seem to be the best conversations, so meaningful. I hope that everyone gets to experience sammar more often to bring us closer together, more understanding, clarity, and deeper friendships.

This poem was written after I had just spent some time praying and meditating.

The labyrinth
Of my heart
Burns with goodness
Majestic colors
Unite and ignite
In my soul
Sky blue
Expanding with
Each breath

I haven't updated in a while. I was busy most of March, April, and May wrapping up the end of the year teaching paperwork. Then I taught summer school the month of June, which was only half days and very rewarding to see how much the students grow and get ready for the next grade level. So July is a time when I get back to being fully engaged instead of on autopillot trying to get everything finished. A new goal is to cultivate an awareness and engagement with all things all the time. I can accomplish this some of the time but not all of the time. After a restful break my concentrated awareness will last several months until work gets stressful again. I am working hard with strategies at this point to remember to remind myself when things do get stressful that I can be more fully engaged. I plan on keeping these strategies in place, kind of in a reservoir for when I need them most.

The first week of July was clear of all demanding tasks. I felt a little untethered and restless because when you go from being task oriented for months and months and finally it's time to settle down for a while, I felt lost almost. It was the first time I did not have any to do list since Spring Break. I went to the beach for Spring Break and had a wonderful time.

I went to Asheville for summer vacation last week and had an even better time than I did at the beach. I absolutely love the mountains. There is a calming energy that soothes me when I am in the mountains. The trip to the mountains for the week was just the tonic that I needed. I loved sitting out on the deck of the cabin looking across to mountain peaks and down to the lush green valley below me. I enjoyed touring Biltmore, going to the botanical gardens at UNC, I walked a few of the trails there and loved that, and toured downtown historic Asheville. I loved going to the art galleries, antique shops, all the speciality shops there. There is an eccelectic taste in the town that bites of originiality, uniqueness, and this in turn brings it out in yourself. At least it does for me. I especially loved one coffeehouse that stands out in my mind, The Green Sage. It has delicious lattes, almond coconut mini cupcakes, and a terrific atmosphere. It is on a corner of the street and you see all the people passing by going to their desitinations. I sat there drinking my latte, watching the world go by both inside the coffeeshop and outside also. I went there several times and did a little writing also. The place's atmosphere is very conducive to writing.

Coming from struggling to get everything done in a certain amount of time to having an abundant amount of "open" time takes some getting used to. With a little bit of patience and nurturing myself I now feel I'm centered and balanced which leads to happiness, or because of happiness I now feel centered and balanced. I feel the coming together, the cohesion, everything melding, and now I have again found my creative voice.

In the dark night
It is only me that
Fills the silence
Breathing
A natural rhythm

Evening light
Plays across
The dining room table
Dappled and dancing
Doves coo their peaceful
Melody, winter wind
Carries the song aloft

The days have begun to gradually get longer with noticeable more sunlight. This makes me smile a huge smile. Although I know some of the coldest days and nights still await us, the knowledge of more sunlight warms and fills me with optimistic happiness.

Ripples reflect
A changing image
Days race on
Stark, barren trees
Dark against a
Sapphire sky

In the essence

Of my being

I hear creativity's

Urgent whisper

Which my

Soul craves

If I am only still

And quiet enough

To listen

Every moment
Breaks, shatters
Into an array
Of hopeful possibilities

Fire of winter’s
Sunset fades
To glittering stars
In a cloudless sky

Remnants of a discarded life

Lay scattered on the floor

Sky a constantly changing blue

All of this inevitable but until then

I want to dance at

Midnight underneath

A full gleaming white moon

Watch stars streak across

The wide expanse of cobalt sky.

I painted the whole canvas in vibrant yellow
Last night with the lights dimmed, the moon
Casting rays as strong as the sun's through my windows
Thick, happy yellow sunbursts of color while listening to
Tranquil Nora Jones and Enya tunes, adding mixes and splashes of
Related pigments
Umber and sienna providing depth.

Ripples move from the source
Gliding, growing larger
Swirl and swill becoming
Muddy rather than clear
Spring duels with winter
Capturing the day

Silver moon
Stretching across the sky
Casting shadows
Past the ancient cypress trees
Blowing in the night breeze
Monochromatic colors of blue,
Black, silver.