I love Maya Angelou!  This quote by Maya Angelou is so profound and wise:

"In the sweet shadow of Thanksgiving I am giving forgiveness to everyone I thought had ill treated me. I want to enter the Christmas month with a clean slate. I want to think that everyone I know can enter the last month of this year free of any ill will between us. Let us all go into December 2012 free, giving and expecting the good thing."

Last night, I liked this quote so much that I posted it on Facebook.  I had a friend who made the comment that it was a nice quote, but sometimes the hurt someone has inflicted onto you is too great, hard to move past.  I agree that it can be difficult to forgive and we hold onto it.  So my response to her on Facebook was I agreed and that it takes time.  I didn't want to seem "preachy" but wanted to say to heal does take time, but once you realize that holding onto the grudge and not forgiving only hurts yourself, then you let it go.  I believe the other person who has done the hurting has moved on, its finished, the story has ended for them.  We are so wrapped up in our hurt,  and accusing, that we literally hold onto it in our bodies.  This brings bigger health issues to us.  Just release, let go, talk to God, forgive, heal.  You, your health, your mind, your body, your soul will be better for it. 

So I let go, forgive, release, and enter the Christmas month with a clean slate.  Life is good, I feel the Magic of the Season!

Some Thoughts On Writing:

  When reading about the writing process people talk about word choice, using the perfect words.  I'm not a verbage snob.  For me, the purpose of writing is the feeling, motivation, and the purging behind a piece that makes it profound.  Writing can be the healing process behind many of life's ups and downs.  I acknowledge there should be a balance between writing from feeling and focusing on word choice.  I have a method, a process in my madness when I write.  First, I write for feeling, it's my spark writing where all the juicy images emerge.  Then, I re read, edit, and re write using more effective, more interesting, and a variety of words that helps the fluidity of the story.  The main purpose of writing is the enjoyment of the process and I do love writing!  It provides me with an outlet to put my life to paper in a meaningful, enriching way.    

It's Evenings Like This:
I've been out running errands, but made a stop in Barnes and Noble for a peppermint mocha and a few minutes of reading.  I sat at a window table reading Jane Austen's Persuasions.  It's chilly outside.  This week it's been near the mid 60s, but the last few days the high has been in the 40s.  As I walked out to my car, whether from swooning while reading Persuasions or from being chilly I was suddenly aware it's on evenings like this I wish I had a significant person in my life.  I would love to come home, share a bottle of wine while cooking dinner together.  Feeding each other sample spoonfulls of steaming food while it's still cooking.  The aromatic smells of dinner along with the occassional nibble of what we're cooking, and more wine making us giddy and flirty.  Then eating dinner together.  After dinner cuddled on the sofa with a blanket over us, pjs on, talking, laughing, sharing, watching TV, reading to one another.  Someone reading poetry to me and me reading to them is on my list of must do's.  Eventually evening giving way to night, drifting off to sleep, cozy and content.  It's evenings like this that I long for closeness on a chilly late Autumn night.  

Thanksgiving Day:

It's Thanksgiving Day and I'm so very thankful!  After a wonderful Thanksgiving lunch with my family I sat on my patio in the sunshine writing.  It was such a warm, and gorgeous day today!  I know that every day is perfect, every moment of everyday is perfect, every second, but in moments like this I know that is true.  I feel the perfection of this moment, not because of any previous good meal earlier in the day, or any man made contriving, but because the second is full of life.  Here I am sitting in a bright yellow fold out camping chair, a pair of tennis shoes on, white, comfy socks, jeans, green fleece shirt, my hair is fixed cute, but I'm not wearing makeup.  Sitting here in the cool late Autumn sunshine listening to neighborhood kids play a pick up game of football, falling leaves rattling as they fall through the branhes to the ground, squirrels making noise.  Yes, this moment is full and perfect and for that I'm so very thankful, bless, and grateful!  Peace and contentment!  Thank you God for blessing me abundantly and unconditionally! 

These photos were taken of my dining room and table decorated before Thanksgiving lunch and photos taken during my walk a few hours after lunch. 



Pushing My Boundaries:

One of the ways that I'm surrendering to the moment, pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone, and BEing in the present, is by engaging in free writing.  I like to call this my spark writing.  These short vignettes provide me with kindling to fire the creative writing process.  It literally frees my creative side in a playful, whimisical, and interesting way.  These pieces take me out of the cognitive side of writing into the feeling, emotional, enriching stories that provides a meaningful support to deeper writing.  I write short stream of consciouness so I can dig deeper to find the well of creativity that is bursting to find a voice.  Spark writing enables me to get to the root of writing where the nourished, juicy parts are ready to be revealed.  

Crafting Weekend During Thanksgiving Week:

Several wreaths have been made, the other crafts have been using acrylic paint to paint on tile.  It was a fun weekend of crafting!

November's Thanksgiving:
I woke up around 7:20 with the sunshine glowing golden in my bedroom windows.  The beautiful blue sky glistening down on me through the blinds.  I lay in bed enjoying the silence and the warm cocoon I was in.  Around 7:40 I got out of bed.  I opened the curtains and blinds to Autumn's beauty, seeing the golden trees, blue sky, sunshine, and the wind blowing.  The day opening absolutely breathtakingly beautiful!  Thankful beyond words, only the flow of feeling. 

Pushing My Boundaries:

I'm at a place in my life where I want adventure.  Starting with small steps with gradual changes will increase the chances that I will continue to add flavor to my life.  I love consistency and routines, but there also needs to be spice to life.  Routines lull, their false sense of safety and comfort stifling, create fear.  The safety net has been flung aside, I am jumping fearlessly into life.  I trust and surrender to All that is.  To BEing.  Life is a beautiful gift to be lived to the fullest!  Life is to BE lived out loud!  In vibrant color!

So to celebrate life and the part of me that craves adventure I decided to start going on hikes.  I joined a group a couple of years ago but never went on any of the hikes because I was apprehensive about the challenge of the hikes.  The other day I chose to finally go on one.  I've been on two so far.  The first hike was at the beginning of September at a park.  It was 2.5 miles and relatively easy.  The second hike was in October.  It was 2.5 miles but a little more challenging with rougher terrain, deeper in the woods.  There were rocky sections that I had to scramble up, narrow steps that dropped to a stream below, a suspension bridge.  My adrenaline was pumped several times, but I loved every second of the hike.  There were 12 women in the group.  We talked, walked, laughed, stumbled, tripped over the roots of trees, laughed some more, talked about our lives, and families.  All different, but the same.  Everyone seeking the challenge of the hike, to connect with nature, and one another.  I pushed my boundaries because I didn't know anyone on the hike, out of 12 people only 2 people were acquainted.  I also pushed my limits by hiking.  Being a self proclaimed introvert I forced myself outside my box of comfort by meeting 11 new friends, and physically forcing myself to hike 2.5 miles.  We stopped half way through and ate snacks, talked, laughed, got to know one another.  I cherish the day.

I will continue to live outside my comfort zone in small ways, getting the blood to flow scortching hot through my veins.  Knowing I'm living the life God intended for me to live.  I'm reminded of the quote by St. Catherine of Siena which she states most beautifully and eloquently, "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."    

Flower Love

                 Nature walk.  Surrounded and engulfed in Mother Nature's comforting embrace.

The beautiful Summer stretched endlessly on green velvet grass!

Easter Weekend

Happy Easter!  This time of year I feel so blessed!  I'm currently listening to the soulful twangs of Adele while cleaning out my closet.  Out with the cold winter clothes and putting my shortsleeved shirts, capris, skirts, and sandals in.  I wrote a poem earlier that had been percolating in my mind for a while. 

It must have been the
Way the sun shone golden
Through sparse early spring
Tree leaves
Or how the letters were arranged on the page
Or the intricate, delicate
Weave of words,
Sprouting vines on the arbor,
Birdsong,
Tinkling of wind chimes,
Life,
Or this time of year
Filled with endless possibilities
Which makes me
Nostalagic for you.

Spring is definitely here! The sun shining brightly, birds chirping their beautiful song, the sky so blue, flowers in full bloom with their grogeous bright colors. New life. New Beginnings. My birthday was March 4th, right at the cusp of Spring when there is such antipation and expectation to the air because within the next breath Spring could begin to open its array of colors. To me, this is first of the new year. Full of limitless possibilities!

Sanctuary and refuge. A sacred space of calm, peace, and love.

This was another photo I took during a photo walk in Vance Woods. I was amazed that at the beginning of December there were still these roses blooming along with the orange and red Autumn leaves. Many leaves had already fallen so when I walked I loved the crunching, crackling sound they made. All of my senses were in tune to the world around me. I could see the beautiful bold colors of the leaves, hear the leaves crackling under foot while I walked, the birds chirping, animals scurrying in the woods, squirrels scampering and eating, smell acorns, leaves, acrid smoke smell of people burning leaves, see the gorgeous blue sky with only a few puffy white clouds, sun shining bright. The Earth. My foot falls were solid and I felt so connected to the Earth, connected to All.

I took this photo a few months ago when Autumn was wearing her beautiful, vibrant crown jewels. It was taken during a solitary photo walk in Vance Woods. I was mesmorized by all the brilliant color around me. I keep coming back to this photo time and time again for inspiration. When there's cooler weather I feel more vibrant and alive. The gift of life, renewal, and rebirth!

Happy New Year!

In our clear field of vision is what lays before us this moment, this single second, not what will happen in 10 seconds from now, 10 minutes from now, 10 hours from now, 10 days from now, not what happened a decade ago, or even a minute ago. It is happening NOW! Each second there is renewal. We release one second to embrace the next.

I love January 1st, New Year's Day. With the beginning of this new year I want everything to fall into place for me in my life. I feel like I've done all the hard work in years past. At the start of the new year I feel a freshness, a time for new beginnings when the slate is wiped clean and we start anew. I want that expectancy I feel now to exist for me every morning when I face a new day with fresh eyes, a new perspective, a postivie perspective. I have such hopes for myself for this year. I know the surface, superficial things I want, so within the last few days with prayer and meditation, I've gone underneath the surface of things to dig and dive deep. I know the roots, the foundation I have to lay in order to get those things. I have to cultivate things in me, in myself. The key is to be in tune to my true, authentic self.

So in organizing my thoughts through prayer and meditation in the last few days I've come to know I have to have roots and a foundation to build all other parts of myself. I've been exploring this, and in being honest with myself there are cracks in the foundation that have been ignored for far too long. Over the past year there have been times of confusion, anger, and sadness. I think that was all healing for me, so 2011 was a year for gargantuan healing.

Through creative writing, such as when I'm writing on my novel Vance Woods, I'm learning about the path that I am on. I'm learning and exploring aspects of myself. Instead of wading through the muddy, dense muck that holds me back, where I feel stuck, I'm finding myself emerging onto dry ground. I can feel myself, my writing, and many dreams coming to fruition.

One of the key aspects to emerging is to release unwanted feelings, emotions, and things, that weigh me down and hold me back. Letting go is freeing!

I plan my life carefully and cautiously. When I think of the people I admire most in my life they are the people who have not always had a smooth ride in their life, but who have come away from these experiences with colorful stories they embrace. These people can be described as true characters and live their life with spiciness and spontaneity. I love that about them. I want to add a demension of spontaneity, sassiness, and wildness to my life. These aspects of me when cultivated will add richness to my creative writing.

Key words and phrases that will drive and guide me during the year are:

Let go
Unfold
Live fearlessly
All of this done with an air of mystery!

Happy New Year!

First day of Winter break! I love teaching, but I love to recoop for a few weeks also. The day was embraced by waking up naturally instead of harshly with an alarm clock. Pale light greeted me as I opened my eyes to a crisp morning. I lingered over a second cup of coffee, cuddled with my cat for a bit longer, listened to Adele as I journaled, the wrote on my novel for a few hours. This afternoon was filled with homemade potpouri simmering on the stove. The recipe was given to me by a student yesterday. As the sunset burned in the western sky, with its ever changing deep colors, I started work on my vision/dream board. A content and peaceful mind.

Recipe for potpouri:

1/2 an orange
1/2 a lemon
1 stick of cloves
1 stick of cinnamon
water
Fill pan with ingredients and enjoy the wafting scent.

Last weekend I had the best time at a writing retreat. The whole time was truly magical. There was lots of productivity and many breakthrough moments in my writing. This could not have happened without the unconditional support, nurturance, and acceptance from my friend, editor, and writing retreat facilitator Carla Blazek! An absolute phenomenal time! Thank you Carla!

I tend to write and write and write. I get consumed by it and will lose many hours in writing, which is a blessing. It's a wonderful thing, but at the same time I should in tune to my body and what is going on with me. So she incorporated walks in the nearby woods by the lake, eating lunch outside, and we had LOTS of laughter! I value every second of this time I gifted myself with.

One of the many, many, many things I learned was things are not perfect, I know that on a cerebral level, but really internalized it last weekend. Flawed is a beautiful word. If we wait for perfection we miss out on life, it blocks us from life source which is filled with joy, elateable, exalted joy! We miss out when practicing perfectionism. I will write about several times when I stood in the flow of life, floating effortlessly downstream, allowing the moment to BE, to be full.

A song that has been coming to me all week is Pink's song, Raise Your Glass.
"So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass
Wish you'd just freak out (freak out already)
Don't be fancy, just get dancey
Why so serious?"

That's it! This song nails it! To me raising my glass isn't literal, it's living life fully, in a real, honest, and organic way! Truly living! Life is messy, flawed, and beautiful! I want to strive to write from this point of view, the real, raw, juicy, interesting, fire of life!

Yesterday was an interesting day. It consisted of reading The Paris Wife on the sofa, dozing on and off with my cat. The napping, the sychronized breathing of me and Mocha, my cat, completely relaxed me. Later, sitting in the window watching the world outside right before a storm, drinking lemongrass and spearmint tea I was inspired to write a poem.

There is always an intense calm
Before a storm
A time, a pivotal moment
When the storm could pass
Leaving a world of peace and tranquility,
Or it could come with strong wind,
Flashes of lightning, booming thunder,
And stinging hail
To hit you head on
Unprepared.