Merry Christmas!
I'm thankful to have been blessed with another Christmas with my mom and dad!
This is a little poem that kept running through my mind and I was inspired to write this morning.


Memories Contained

After all the hoopla
I went back into the
Room, which was now
Filled with silence
The walls and furnishings held
Memories
Of past Christmas, birthday
Parties, socials, get togethers,
Sleeples nights, lazy afternoons,
Filled with movies, books read,
Journals written in, scraps of words escaping,
Dreams, phone conversations,
Through laughter, tears,
Secrets, friendships lost and found,
Family and
Love
All memories contained
Within four mortar and
Plaster walls,
Memories contained in flesh, bone,
Blood, mind,
Heart and soul
Memories,
Precious memories
Cherished

I've been pondering what blocks me from being who I am, feeling my power of myself for myself, and the bravery to show my authencity and not shy away from that? So with all that thinking, I wrote a poem that will help me make sense of where I'm going with this.

I want to excavate, dig, and tunnel
Until I open all emotions I have
Ever repressed.

When an emotion, that we see as unwanted arises, the first instinct is to shield ourselves from the full extent of the experience, feeling, and emotion. This is our coping strategy to keep ourselves "safe." The shielding from any unwanted emotion is repression. After repression settles in time, layers form, then there is an awareness of the layers, finally the excavation of the layers. When the layers are peeled away, at the center, the core, brilliant radiant light shines and is never dimmed. Light of love. A still, peaceful center filled with light and love, that changes yet is unchangable all at once.

This lead me to another poem:

I'm not in control of my life
Control is an illusion
God creates the ebb and flow
I'm along for the ride
For which I am grateful.

To think we are in control of our own lives is our mind's safety net. God is the river of life in which we flow. I'm filled with love, peace, light, and gratitude!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!
I have butternut squash soup on to simmering. I'm making it today so all the flavor can really get into it by tomorrow when we eat it. I've just brewed some chamomile mint tea, settling down to drink it and do some writing on this cloudy, foggy, windy day. Life is great! There is much to be thankful for, which makes me warm from the inside out - heart and soul!

I love the crisp cool days and vibrant colors of Autumn. Everything seems more alive and authentic when touched by Autumn's cool hand. During this time I am aligned to my true self that speaks the language of creativity and I'm utterly full of joy and thanfullness. God is Love!

The fresh morning
Comes to me in silence
A burst of orange
Illuminates
Beautiful wild nature
Blazing

I'm so thankful for a leisure Saturday morning stretching into afternoon where I can just be. I have been doing some writing, listening to soothing flute music, drinking mocha, still in my pajamas and just having an exceptional good morning full of thankfulness!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINA!

As a tribute to your birthday we are giving you a SURPRISE of our list of things that we love.

You are at the top of my list followed by:

my family

Mocha my kitten

summer thunderstorms

sunset in the gazebo reading and writing

friends

chai tea

time praying and meditating

Thank you Christina because you are such a special person! You enrich my life and touch so many lives with your optimism, love, and compassion! Thank you!

Sometimes I find it difficult to stay in the present moment. I get wrapped up with incidents of the past; what happened, how it happened, how could it have happened, what could I have done to make situations better, different, or just ok. Other moments are spent dreaming about the future, a fantasy land of grasping. This thinking, both of the past and the future are endless, ceaseless cycles that spiral, sometimes spiral out of control creating issues within. I found myself just being today. Sitting out in the gazebo taking in nature. I found myself breathing with ease and love. Not wrapped up in some story or thought, but in letting myself just be. Taking in, soaking in my surroundings, the beauty around me. Oh the flowers are gorgeous in raucous bloom, color exploding, the lilies, rose of Sharon, hydrangeas, and a few azaleas. The bird song, a beautiful melody, doves coo peaceful. Thankful, grateful, for this second in time, not striving, or grasping for anything. Just being. Just being one with my life. Just be.

We all build
Nests of hope
Inside our heart,
Clustered, in glowing
Chambers, cherished
For their innocence.

I am starting a new project for myself. I am calling it Healthy Living - makes me think of the phrase that kept popping into my head months ago - Living Whole Heart and Soul. This is the first day and will encompass every aspect of life. Through recent events of my father being in the hospital for three weeks after having to have open heart surgery, along with the stress, heartache, and sadness that go along with seeing your father this way, then to have him back on the road to recovery, has given me a whole new outlook on life. We are given one precious life to be lived to the fullest. In living it to the fullest one of my main goals is to love and show kindness to everyone and to take the time to stop and see the beauty in everyday life, no matter how busy or stressed I am at the time. Another aspect of healthy living is also to exercise daily. I have to incorporate this in my life. I am a vegetarian but have slipped into just grabbing things on the go since I had limited amount of time to sit down for a slow healthy meal that I truly enjoy. I have exercised already this morning, ate breakfast which was one buscuit with cheese. I plan on making myself a salad in a few minutes. My reward for excerising and eating well this morning will be to go to the bookstore, prowl around for some good reads, and have a soy decaf peppermint mocha. Then I plan on going for a walk in the park to look at the gorgeous spring that is blooming before my eyes. Right this minute I am in love with Life!

Oh, this morning I woke up to what looks like will be a beautiful, gorgeous spring day! The sun was shining bright, the birds were chirping cheerfully, a cool breeze blew slightly threw my open bedroom window. Today, the first day of spring, is going to be terrific!! HAPPY SPRING!!!!!

On this bleak, rainy, windy, foggy Saturday morning, I am finding beauty in everything. I am getting a chance to slow down and just BE right now. There is beauty in the barren winter trees, their branches stretching up toward the sky filled with grayish, white snow clouds. Wind quickly changes the face of the sky, clouds scattering, blowing, new formations made within seconds, a reflection of life. I am sitting at my desk, dividing my time between watching the world outside and writing, while listening to Norah Jones, drinking a vanilla latte while my kitten plays or naps. Poetry is singing in my mind as my pen brushes across the pages of my journal; I am wrapped in the folds of creativity at this moment in time, my voice and inner thoughts being heard. Creativity flows, I am grateful!

Simple Things:

The vision for my life is to live simply from an authentic, organic place. In doing that I know that it is the simple things that will feed and nourish me.
Some of my simple things:
Quite time to reflect, pray, meditate
Candles
Winter snow which brings quite and stillness
Hot tea
A good book, snuggled in a warm blanket, drinking hot tea, looking out at Winter's splendor.
Writing in a journal
My kitten Mocha
All of these things make my heart sing and when I have these simple things in my life, my life flows.

Meditation:

Sitting in the silence

Letting all flow

Through me

All goodness and love

Meditating

On the Tree of Life

Created by God

All things love

That rests in the soul

Shines

God's love always

Prevails

Fire and ice
Runs through
My veins
Coursing with
Glorious life
Filled with
Stories -
We are a moisac
Of the experiences
Of our lives
But -
Something much more
At the same time.

I wrote this after spending a few hours in the mall the other day. So it is my reaction to what was going on around me. Part of my vision for myself in 2010 is to listen to my authentic voice, the essence of who I am and be driven by my authentic self. I want to live an authentic life always. There should not be a struggle to find this part of oneself. I am making it a point to get quite and silent each day in order to connect to the authenticity that is me.

In this season of baubles and bows
Battle for authentic voice
To be heard above the endless chatter
Is a daily struggle
In an ego driven world